I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
