look no pants
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
