I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize