Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is wine microwaveable?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
