I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
