it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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