Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
