I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
