Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
