Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
