he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
