So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
