It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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