Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
