i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
