you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
