At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
