College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
