I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
