im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize