im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
