They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
