After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
