I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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