dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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