Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
