4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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