so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
