I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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