don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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