I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
