I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize