They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
