Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
