you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
