So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
