She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
