I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
