ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
