I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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