she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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