We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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