Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize