If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
