p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Randomize
