Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
