i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
