I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
