I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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