I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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