she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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