yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
