Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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