The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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