hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
