You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
