i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
