Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
