every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
