we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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