You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
