Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
