Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My balls are so social today.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
