So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize