and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
